I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
