when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
