my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
