ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
