he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
