Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize