I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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