And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
