Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
