just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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