considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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