some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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