If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
