I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
