Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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