i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
