We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
