i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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