i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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