Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
