no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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