Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize