I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is the high leading the old right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
