Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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