god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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