If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize