It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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