So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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