do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
