Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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