i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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