did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
