Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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