How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is this like a preordered booty call?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
