Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize