i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
