yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
