I'm drive I can fine osifer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
