I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
