I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
