she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
