did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
