so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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