Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Even my vagina gasped.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
