hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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