1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
