Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize