His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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