Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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