Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
