I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
