Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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