just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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