I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
