And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
