TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
