trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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