a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
40s are totally the cure
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
