last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i love accidental penises.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
