if i died would you start the facebook group?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize