I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
