just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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