who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize