It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
