He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
