my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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