K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
