i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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