I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
