There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
