I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize