I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
