The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
