At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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