we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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