You just made me feel so damn special
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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