just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
