my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
