put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
