Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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