I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
