Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
