Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
