I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
