Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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