You just made me feel so damn special
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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