About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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