This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
