So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
