I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
