her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
